Oklahoma Singer-Songwriter:

Lambert, Hendricks & Ross ("Sermonette")

2008-08-28T00:40:00.002-05:00

How about some happy music for your Thursday, a classic from a jazz vocal group of the early 1960s: Lambert, Hendricks & Ross.

It's called Sermonette, and I grew up hearing it by the great Earl Grant, but couldn't find that on YouTube. But I did find these cats, and I dig their Americana-fused jazz vibe.

Anyway, cool tune.

WTF? Wayman Tisdale & Toby Keith

2008-08-26T20:42:00.003-05:00

In a remake of Barry White's "Never, Never Gonna Give You Up," jazz guitarist and Norman, Okla. legend Wayman Tisdale teams up with ...

TOBY KEITH?

Sorry, I like it. Toby's baritone is soulful, albeit not perfect, a sound that might be the audio equivalent of having to listen Wayman play country. However, I have been an unapologetic fan of Toby's, musically. He's an original and has always had a strong sense of musicality and open-mindedness when it comes to his choices.

This is not great, but it is surprisingly good.

Junebug (smooth jazz original)

2008-08-26T00:32:00.001-05:00

This is an instrumental I wrote and recorded about eight years ago. Smooth jazz with a bit of a Caribbean flavor, perhaps.

Dirty Pierre (original)

2008-08-24T12:18:00.001-05:00

DIRTY PIERRE
c. 2008 Ryan Welton

VERSE 1:
She looked me over like an engine
at a stock car race inspection
She watched me as I sipped my drink
with a gleam of affection

She whispered something to the man
at the end of the bar
And before I knew it, honey
It got crazy bizarre

CHORUS:
They call him Dirty Pierre
They call him Dirty Pierre
Ahh, be there or be square
Just don't mess up his hair
They call him Dirty Pierre

VERSE 2:
He followed me into the bathroom
took the stand-up right beside me
He said that he presumed
His little woman excites me

I asked him what he meant
I have appointments in the morning
He offered me a handshake
Then he offered a warning

CHORUS:
He said I'm Dirty Pierre
Oh yeah, I'm Dirty Pierre
Ahh, be there or be square
Just don't mess my hair
That's right, I'm Dirty Pierre

BRIDGE:
This is when it all gets strange
It all gets kinda tricky
I walk into their house
to the sound of Darling Nikki

It's evident you envision me
as a middle-man of sorts
The completion of your daisy chain
But allow me to retort

I think your wife's a keeper
I'd take her any day
But my hetero persuasion
Won't let you in the way

CHORUS:
But thank you, Dirty Pierre
Ahh, thank you, Dirty Pierre
Not that I am a square
It's a sordid affair
But thank you, Dirty Pierre

Love On The Radio (original)

2008-08-20T22:35:00.002-05:00

This is an original tune I've been working on the past couple of weeks.

LOVE ON THE RADIO
copy;2008 Ryan Welton

VERSE 1:
Baby daddy's had a hard night
We've got bills to pay
But at least we've got each other
Though it's cliche

Bridge:
Heart to Heart, You and I, We're In This Love Together
We've Only Just Begun
Just The Way You Are and You're The Inspiration
You Make Lovin' Fun

Chorus:
There's no need to go out
We got love on the radio
Dedicated to the one you love
We got 'em fast, we got 'em slow

VERSE2:
Baby daddy's doin' alright
Despite all this stress
Lovin' you's the perfect medicine
My doctors say I'm blessed

Bridge:
Al Jarreau, Tony Bennett, Frank Sinatra
Billy Joel, Elton John
Anita Baker, Stevie Wonder, Brenda Russell
The list goes on and on

Why Americans Don't Compete For Other Countries

2008-08-19T22:45:00.003-05:00

This is cool, and it comes courtesy of WBAL.com.

Baltimore Ravens fans got treated to a big-screen, in-stadium look at Michael Phelps' quest for No. 8. It was during a preseason football game, and while the stadium was barely filled, it was loud.

To me, it reinforces why it's really pathetic that any American athlete deigned to compete for another country. Nobody loves you like your own. Again, this is cool.

And, you'd better believe that I'm pulling for the American basketball team. They square off against Australia at 7 a.m. CDT. Even more than for the Redeem Team, I'm pulling for our baseball team, which will likely have to beat Japan and Cuba to win gold.

Perhaps Chris Kaman Should Just Move To Germany

2008-08-18T22:50:00.002-05:00

You want to know what grinds my gears? (Family Guy reference ...)

No, the lack of a good priest and rabbi joke doesn't muster any anger within me whatsoever. However, Americans competing for other countries in the Olympics darn near pisses me off, and for those of you who might not understand the big deal, I'll explain it.

In college sports, an athlete can pick from any school that'll have him or her. If I were a stud football player, I could probably pick between Oklahoma and Texas, LSU and Auburn, you name it. Once I made my pick and enrolled in classes, regardless of whether I could "make the first team" or not, I've made my bed.

I'm a Sooner. Or I'm a Longhorn.

If I really wanted to transfer, I could, but it requires that I pick up and move to that school, enrolling in their classes and living near their campus.

Well, a few American athletes, hoping for the chance to compete in the Olympics, took their talents to other countries. Becky Hammon signed on with the Russian national basketball team, and Chris Kaman took his basketball talents to Deutschland. There are other Americans who did this for the Beijing Games, and I have one message for them all.

Move.

Move to Russia. Move to Germany.

I could not imagine wanting to play in the Red River Rivalry so badly that I would don the burnt orange of the University of Texas. I'd rather be a third-string Sooner with nary a chance to see a snap than play for anybody else. Why? I'm Sooner Born, Sooner Bred -- and I chose to go to OU.

Even Kaman's father is pissed at him. Seriously.

To be fair, Kaman's grandparents or great-grandparents took the boat over some century ago. Nevertheless, Chris' dad is right on the money about this. Kaman is no more German than he is a tall black man. He's tall, but he's pasty white.

The ancient Olympics were to honor the gods, but the modern Olympics are supposed to encourage international cooperation and camaraderie. What they do in reality is foster competition between countries that is rooted in politics and pride, meaning that Hammon's decision to play ball for the Russians, at a time when they're attacking the Georgians, is really, really bad.

I understand the athlete's perspective in terms of wanting the experience of playing in the Olympic Games, to which I say: OK, then, get better so you can make your team, the American team.

If one is not good enough to make his own Olympic team, then he or she is not good enough for Olympic competition. In fact, if all athletes got to pick what teams they played for, as if this were some summer league, then the Olympics would lose its appeal to most Americans. What Kaman and Hammon have done is violate the very spirit of this competition.

But if it's bad to play for another country's team, it's even worse to coach it in the Olympics. Jim Lefebvre is doing just that by coaching the CHINESE BASEBALL TEAM.

Are you kidding me?

The Chinese baseball team lost to the USA today 9-1, but in the process, Chinese pitchers beaned American batters SIX TIMES.

Are you freaking kidding me?

Sorry. I can understand coaching some ball in China and working with their club during the World Series of Baseball or some other contrived event. But during the Olympics, you are by birth or citizenship a member of X team.

So, what's the remedy here?

Nothing. Give me a break. Not everything requires booing or boycotting or remedy. Just know in the back of your mind that these are some people who have made a really bad judgment relative to what the Olympics are all about without a lick of caring about what a damned one of us think.

I hope that one day they understand how sorry this really is. It's sorry to the Nth degree.

Jason Mraz ("Make It Mine")

2008-08-17T23:53:00.002-05:00

There are some people I wonder how they ever made it into the music business. But there are others so damned talented that I cannot possibly help but ooze with jealousy.

Jason Mraz is one such cat. This guy is sick. He's a terrific guitarist. He's got a terrific voice. He's a brilliant writer, having penned one of the five best songs this decade ("The Remedy"), and his musical sensibilities are a mix between John Mayer and early Michael Jackson.

Seriously. If anything I ever do musically made it anywhere beyond Norman, Okla., USA, I'm looking this guy up. Jason is among the two or three most talented newly discovered musicians from this entire decade.

Here's a video for his tune "Make It Mine." If you can't like this, I just don't know what to say about your musical tastes. Sorry.

Music Battle: Obama vs. McCain

2008-08-16T12:49:00.001-05:00

Does it matter which presidential candidate's musical tastes align most closely with yours? If so, surely you saw this Blender article outlining the Top 10 favorite songs of Barack Obama and John McCain.

McCain's favorite song in the world is ABBA's "Dancing Queen," making me think the magazine had inadvertently phoned the office of Sen. Larry Craig. Nonetheless, I likes me some ABBA, so I won't give him any crap.

Barack's favorite was the Fugees' "Ready or Not," which brings into questions his musical tastes, period. Not a fan of that song, and I much preferred Lauryn Hill solo, such as her take on the song "Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You."

Among the surprises in the Top 10 were how eclectic Barack's choices were, clearly trying to position himself as the musical progressive. To me, that's not a surprise. It's almost calculated.

Nevertheless, McCain's taste is better.

His No. 2 is Roy Orbison's "Blue Bayou," and his No. 4 is Merle Haggard's "If We Make It Through December," which is a brilliant song. Seriously, this is one of the great American songs of the past 50 years.

Barack's list features some Nina Simone, which is excellent, and some Rolling Stones, which is always a solid choice. However, my favorite song on his list is from Kanye West, "Touch The Sky."

In all, Barack's list is a tad "cooler," but McCain's list is surprisingly quality and classic. Edge goes to the senator from Arizona.

Original Song: "Windows"

2008-08-09T03:33:00.000-05:00

Wrote a new song this week, a little tune dedicated to the state of fear in which society is steeped. Heck, it was a good excuse to roll off some cool jazz riffs.

Hope you enjoy. It's called "Windows."

Lyrics below:

CHORUS:
Stay away from windows
Lock up all your doors
Abandon all appointments
Forget about all them chores

Stay away from windows
Be afraid of what you see
We're livin' in an era
Of high anxiety

BRIDGE:
I fear for judgment day
'Cause judgment gonna come my way
I fear my government
'Cause me they don't represent

I fear the food I eat
It got bugs and shit I don't need
I fear my kitchen sink
Ain't no water there that I can drink

CHORUS:
Stay away from windows
Lock up all your doors
Abandon all appointments
Forget about all them chores

Stay away from windows
Be afraid of what you see
We're livin' in an era
Of high anxiety

RyanWelton.com Enters New Phase Of Blogging (Birth Of TheNormanFiles.com)

2008-08-07T03:14:00.003-05:00

This is a tribute to RyanWelton.com, which died Wednesday night after a long bout with reality television disease.

In the five years this site has existed, I've gone from writing primarily about sports to primarily about politics and social issues to primarily about reality television. There was a purpose to each specific style, too.

Writing about sports was fun, but I don't watch sports 24x7, and many, many other blogs cover and write about sports infinitely better than I could.

Politics and social issues, generally, are in a space that potentially conflicts with my day job. Regardless, I am not that passionate about politics, who wins the election this fall or any of it. I have certain issues I'm big on, but I'm generally flexible -- and it seems like the best political blogs are ideologically inflexible.

On the other hand, writing about reality television was a good idea for awhile because it involved subject matter I could follow from home. There is a very specific audience for reality television coverage, believe it or not. Unfortunately, there were many superior sites, and the best strategy for covering a reality television show is to have a blog for each show.

And this is RyanWelton.com. I am not a reality show.

At no point did I ever intend this site to become a gossip site, nor did I ever aspire to be a PerezHilton type. By no means. I told as many people as would listen that while I enjoyed watching a bit of reality television, I found most of it to be vapid. Well, except for So You Think You Can Dance? That really is a terrific show.

However, while I made a bit of money watching SYTYCD and Big Brother and Idol, I haven't made enough to warrant my continued interest. So, I am severing ties with these shows at a detailed level. Might check in on them from time to time, but I'm not covering them or any show from here on out.

No more reading about who the Top 5 should be on Idol.

No more reading about the greatness of Napoleon and Tabitha or why Nashville Star sucked ass this season.

I just don't care.

Now, this site isn't going to die. It will become a music blog, dedicated to music I love, music you should be listening to and my own musical efforts.

Music. Music. Music.

The energy I'm saving by not pulling my hair out watching PoV competitions is going into a new blog venture called The Norman Files. This is a hyperlocal blog I've created to tout the greatness of Norman, Okla.

I'll cover local happenings. I'll write about local businesses and issues. I'll tell tall tales. And I'll cover OU sports extensively (or as much as I can). It's a Norman-centric blog, and I'm going to do my darnedest to do it right.

Heck, even if I don't make any money from it ... even if I get bored with it from time to time, it has to be a more edifying effort long-term than writing about reality television on two fronts. First, worst-case scenario is that I would be learning more about my community. Second, the other worst-case scenario is that I would learn a bit more about hyperlocal blogging and news coverage, both of which are increasingly vital to my day job.

So, goodbye to the old ryanwelton.com. Farewell, old friend.

But do come back from time to time to get a music fix.

And if you're from Norman or an OU football fan, go to thenormanfiles.com and bookmark me. That site debuted earlier this morning.

Another Quick Rant On Tipping

2008-08-06T16:46:00.002-05:00

Just a quick rant on the subject of tipping.

First and foremost, to tip is to exhibit good manners, period. I worked in a bar for a couple of years in college (as a DJ) and as a musician now, so I like tips. The money is nice, but tips are an indication that you're doing something right. I never saw them as owed to me nor did I see it as the customer's obligation or a quid pro quo exchange.

However, there is a mentality in the service industry that is making me insane.

And, I think it's time to rewrite the book on tipping etiquette.

Today I ate lunch at a local spot I'll soon highlight on a new site I'm creating. (In other words, I ain't sayin' where just yet.) I decided to dine in. The person rang up my order, and I used my debit card to pay. The ticket had a field for "tip," as these tickets often do.

This is an establishment with no "waiters," and it's a wonderful, locally owned establishment. I bought a sandwich, some chips and a bottle of soda and planned to sit down and read a paper while I ate. However, because I was presented with the decision to give the tip up front, I declined. The attendant scribbled through it with an aire of annoyance.

But what if the sandwich was crap? What if they all had Tourette's and started randomly cussing me out? What if I were attacked by spiders? Would I be able to get my tip back? To me, the tip is not obligatory EVER. It is a monetary referendum on the individual's experience and service after the fact, and I think these folks would be wise to ring people up after they've eaten should the order be dine-in.

Alas, I noticed they had some good looking brownies for dessert. I had no cash, so I said I'd be right back for some sweets. After a trip to the local ATM, I came back, bought a brownie and tipped 200 percent on that $1.25 item to cover me for lunch.

But the attendant didn't see me do it.

And therein lies the problem.

We've evolved tipping culture into this system by which we measure ourselves as good, generous people, straying away from what's really beneficial about the practice. I mean, who CARES if the kid didn't see me stick my two worn-out bills in his tip jar, right? Personally, I don't, and it's why I have some strong opinions about how tipping culture needs to be changed.

First, if the service sucked, we have to stop giving anything. To not give a tip is a useful practice, after the fact, if the experience or service was bad. Not only is it terrific feedback for the server, it is for the establishment, too.

The converse for this is simple, and we as individuals have to be honest with ourselves. If the service was terrific, we have to break it out. I don't think 25 or 30 percent is too much at all for a great experience. If it was adequate, stick with 15 or 20.

I don't think this strays too much from what most of you would follow.

Here's where I trick things up a bit.

1. The barista at Starbucks doesn't get a tip. She isn't an artist. She follows some simple instructions and puts up with superficial people. Why anybody would tip a barista is beyond me, although I have before. She was cute, and she flirted.

See, it's all about rewarding behaviors.

2. Your oil-change guy DOES get a tip. These people take care of your car, and it's 100 times more important than whether you and your honey had a good time at Red Lobster. If you have an option, and your oil guy takes care of you, tip the hell out of them.

3. Tip the delivery guy, but if you have to pick it up yourself, no tip. Much of the purpose of take-out is to forego some of the accoutrement that come with dining in (and some of the headaches).

4. Don't tip before the person does something. Tip after. If I'm playing the piano, and you request that I play "Beer Barrel Polka," you should hold on to your $5 until after I play it because, odds are, I won't. (I don't know it. Yet.)

5. Put a bell on your tip jar so that it makes a sound anytime somebody puts a buck in. That way, the people working will hear it and physically acknowledge the goodwill.

6. The chick who cuts your hair? You'd better treat her right. First, I don't let straight dudes cut my hair. Gay men and women only. But if they are doing your hair right, then reward them with a big, fat tip. Remember, they could forget what they're doing and shave your hair clean off. But in all seriousness, there is nothing more valuable day-to-day than a great-looking haircut.

But most of all, let's get out of this mentality that we owe a tip to anyone who does anything for us. C'mon, when are we going to start tipping the mailman? He DOES bring us our mail, right?

On the other hand, tipping makes us feel good, and besides any perceived "obligation," this is the big reason we do it. To make US feel good. And my suggestion is that we care less about that and use our precious tip dollars as an honest vote, if you will, on how the service and overall experience was wherever we go and whatever we do.

See, then you'll not only feel good, you'll be doing the individual and the business a giant favor. Automatic and instant feedback.

Just remember that NOT giving a tip is legitimate feedback, too, but only if you're doing it on principle, not because you're a cheap bastard.

OK, rant over.

But I guarantee there are workers in other industries I didn't mention who are especially worthy of tips. So, who am I forgetting?

Why The Texas Rangers Could Be This Year's Colorado Rockies

2008-08-06T14:29:00.001-05:00

Those of you who know me know that I love baseball. I'll watch any baseball. I'll watch Pirates-Padres, Royals-Mariners, anything. I particularly enjoy watching the New York Yankees (for their history), the San Francisco Giants (for the setting) and the L.A. Dodgers (for Vin Scully).

However, my team is the Texas Rangers.

Typically, I don't get so bold as to make grand predictions about the Rangers. They've never won a playoff series and have only won one playoff game. Heck, it's been nine years since they last went to the playoffs.

But if you're looking for a team to pull off what the Colorado Rockies did last year, look no further than Arlington, Texas. I'll give you five reasons why.

1. Believe it or not, pitching. Have you seen the likes of Scott Feldman, Luis Mendoza and Matt Harrison this season, particularly the past week or so? I'm not a stats geek, but our starting pitchers have gotten us into the 6th and 7th innings of virtually every game, meaning the team has a chance to win every night.

Remember, Jeff Francis wasn't exactly a five-time Cy Young winner for Colorado as he led them into the postseason last year.

2. Terrific GM work. I know the book is not in on Jon Daniels, but how sweet has that trade with Boston been? To think: The li'l ol' Rangers took the BoSox to the cleaners when Texas traded Eric Gagne and got David Murphy (among others). And, I loved the fact that Daniels stood pat with this club, saying that he "likes our guys."

Believe me, I'm all for a fire sale when need be, but the more I see the core of this team, the more I believe Daniels was right on the money.

3. Youngsters producing. Those pitchers. Murphy. Crush Davis. Ian Kinsler. Perhaps we owe a bit more credit to manager Ron Washington and his coaches, but they've really gotten a lot out of guys who came from nowhere, many of them under 27.

4. Comeback wins. Just this week alone, I've seen the Rangers come back from 3-0, 4-0 and 6-0, including Monday night's wonderful walk-off grand slam from Marlon Byrd. Geez, I'd love to post Josh Lewin's call from that, but MLB is so stingy when it comes to embedding video. The point is this: Texas isn't panicking no matter how far they're down, and this bodes well for teams in the second half of the season.

5. Josh Hamilton. Not only will he be the MVP of Major League Baseball this season, he's also the best story in the game since Sammy and Mark back in 1998. What's crazy is that this club has not been carried by Josh all season. He's one peg that fits very nicely into this puzzle.

However, his trip to the Home Run Derby at Yankee Stadium this summer is already legendary. My point here is this: We have major, major good karma, I suspect, from the baseball gods for having this guy on our team. Alas, watch. This video is incredible.

Feel free to scoff at my notion that Texas could be a contender the next several weeks. However, I'll freely admit: I don't just think Texas could be a "contender."

They are a contender. Right now.

And, I have a gut hunch, a baseball/sports intuition that tells me Rangers fans should start scooping up tickets and making plans around first pitches because these last 48 games and beyond could be the stuff of memories.

It's the same hunch I had about Colorado last year, well before their run.

Coincidence? Could be. But it doesn't change the fact that if you're a Texas Rangers fan and you haven't been caught up to what's going on with this team, you need to wake up and plan on making first pitch tonight at 7:05 p.m. versus the Yanks. Whether it be on TV, the Web or in person.

Go Rangers.

Great Song: "Hollywood Bass Player" (Josh Rouse)

2008-08-06T00:02:00.002-05:00

Listen to this song, and tell me what year you think it was released.

1974? Wrong.

1977? Wrong again.

How about 2007, from singer-songwriter Josh Rouse from his CD called "Country Mouse, City House," which I have been listening to tonight. What a mellow, cool, sophisticated CD.

Thing is: All of Josh's music is this good. I discovered the guy when he released "1972," and I have been a devoted fan since. If you love the 1970s. If you love the singer-songwriter thing. If you love musical and poetic simplicity ... then you have to start checking this guy out.

BTW, this tune reminds me HIGHLY of 1970s-era George Harrison. Love it. And, please, once you've picked up your first couple Josh Rouse CDs, you're basically obligated to come back here and thank me.

Great New Music: The Hold Steady

2008-08-05T02:13:00.001-05:00

It's funny where you hear great new music. I heard this band for the first time in a liquor store down the road from my house.

The guy at the counter informed me these cats are called The Hold Steady, but based on the first listen as I was buying a bucket full of Bass Ale and Guinness Draught, I thought it was Bob Mould being backed up by the E Street Band. Most of the guys in the band come from Minnesota, but the band is based in Brooklyn.

Seriously, you're either going to love vocalist Craig Finn or despise him. Count me among those who are already won over, however. And the song that won me over is brand new, a track called "Sequestered In Memphis" from a CD called "Stay Positive."

Like many of the band's songs, "Sequestered in Memphis" is a bar tale. In fact, The Hold Steady is a quintessential bar band, kind of a frat band for an older set, perhaps. Check out the first verse and chorus:

It started when we were dancin’
It got heavy when we got to the bathroom.
We didn’t go back to her place,
We went to some place where she cat-sits.
She said, “I know I look tired, but everything’s fried, here in Memphis.”

Man, they want to know exactly which bathroom…
Dude, does it make any difference? It can’t be important…

Yeah, sure, I’ll tell my story, again…

In bar-light, she looked all right;
In daylight, she looked desperate
That’s all right, I was desperate, too
I’m getting pretty sick of this interview.
Subpoenaed in Texas, sequestered in Memphis
Subpoenaed in Texas, sequestered in Memphis

***

I love, love, love the line in the first verse where Finn sings that they didn't go back to her place, "we went to some place where she cat-sits."

C'mon, guys. You know like I do what he's saying: She's crazy.

The rest of "Stay Positive" has not attached itself to me like this song has. However, I'm on my third listen, and at least a couple of the tracks are starting to come around. Reviews of the CD garnered a score of 85 on Metacritic, which is a damned good score. Furthermore, this track is so good, I'm willing to go out of my way to learn more about these guys.

Very interesting sound. Wonderful 1970s-influenced E Street Band-like instrumentation. And brilliant, funny lyrics. They would be great for a college town.

Funny, but I live in one. Now, check out the video from their live performance of "Sequestered In Memphis" three weeks ago on Letterman.

106 Degrees In Oklahoma Still Beats Winter

2008-08-04T16:51:00.003-05:00

It hasn't taken me long to figure out how hot it is outside here in central Oklahoma because I can't come close to keeping my house cool.

80 degrees with the A/C running full blast.

However, I can totally deal with it thanks to the good folks at Wal-Mart, via a company called Massey. They make 10-inch or so fans, and they're sold at Wally World for $8 each, meaning I bought two, meaning I have four fans (two big and two small) throughout the house.

Dude, for that price, I could buy five of them and blow this place out.

It's a tad warmer than I would like, but it's comfortable, really. Therein lies the difference between my disdain for winter and my willingness to put up with 107-degree heat. The house is comfortable enough, and I don't have to alter my attire to walk out the door.

When it's 29 degrees out, you have to put on a jacket, at least. Pain in the butt.

I won't sing the praises of Oklahoma's asphalt-melting conditions the past week though because it really is too hot to get out and do much. I'm not jogging in this crap. I'll pull a Jim Fixx quicker than you can say "arteries blocked."

However, I've noticed folks in Norman walking super late at night, like at 10:30 p.m. That's something great about this town, the confidence to get outside and be among the darkness, alone even, without fear of mugging, drive-bys or any of that nonsense.

Alas, I'd prefer 85 degrees during the day and 62 at night, but I'm not going to complain with 107 and 75.

I am the lizard man.

Monday Funny: Bernie Mac

2008-08-04T10:12:00.003-05:00

Chicago newspaper reports indicate that comedian Bernie Mac is in very critical condition right now with pneumonia, the same situation Christian Brando was in earlier this year. Too bad.

Bernie Mac is one of the comedy greats of this generation, and his show on FOX was highly underrated. This bit below is his famous "my sister's kids" routine from The Kings Of Comedy, probably the best comedy movie or among the best of my lifetime.

This routine is highly UNSAFE for work. But it's very funny.

Great New Music: Johnny Flynn

2008-08-03T22:47:00.001-05:00

Love to introduce you to music you might never have heard before, and I've got several introductions to make this week. This first band is very eclectic and very British and dark and happy all at the same time.

They're called Johnny Flynn & The Sussex Wit, and the song is called "Tickle Me Pink" with these lyrics for its chorus:

"Pray for the people inside your head
for they won't be there when you're dead
muffled out and pushed back down
pushed back through the leafy ground"

It's hard not to tap your foot to this one. I've listened to the first five or six tracks from Flynn's 2008 CD, called "A Larum," and I have to say: It's great.

Josh Jarboe: A Lesson In Internet Public Relations For Athletic Programs

2008-08-03T18:12:00.002-05:00

The thoughts and opinions expressed here are those only of the writer, not reflective of his employer, family, friends or probably himself.

That disclaimer should probably precede every Internet post from here on out.

For the University of Oklahoma's Josh Jarboe, failing to acknowledge the power of the World Wide Web means foregoing the chance to be a Sooner. But while Jarboe had already exhausted his one big chance from coach Bob Stoops, make no mistake: The Internet has struck again.

If you're from Oklahoma and have been living under a rock, the incoming freshman had already been caught trying to bring a gun onto campus back at high school in Georgia. Stoops gave Jarboe the benefit of the doubt until four days ago, when a video appeared on YouTube, showing Jarboe rapping about violence and guns and AKs and Atlanta.

First and foremost, I should be clear: Bob Stoops did the right thing.

All homerism aside though: Bob Stoops has always done the right thing when it comes to discipline at the University of Oklahoma.

Coach Stoops' record of laying the hammer down when need be and offering a second chance when available is immaculate. In 2001, Stoops took a chance on Lynn McGruder after the Tennessee Volunteer was charged with pot possession.

Two years later, McGruder and Mark Clayton saved a family along an Oklahoma highway after a wreck. According to Wikipedia, McGruder "received the Big 12 Sportsman of the Year Award in 2003 and was nominated for the Football Writers Association's Most Courageous Award."

Second chances are cool, and it's great when they work out. And it takes guts to give somebody a second chance.

Third chances, though, can be a fool's game.

Jarboe's rap was innocent enough per se. However, in combination with the trouble he had with guns back in Atlanta, a rap about guns and violence was tantamount to a recovering coke addict singing about his love of the white mistress online. Even if he wasn't "doing," it was evidence enough that a real lesson hadn't been learned.

Among Jarboe's lyrics:

"Shoot you in the head and you might be dead with a halo. So hold on, don't beg for your life. And hold on, don't ask please.”

It appears that the video was shot in a University of Oklahoma dorm area, and the Sports Animal's Al Eschbach says he has it on good word who posted the video. I suspect other sports personalities in central Oklahoma know as well.

Just a day before coach Stoops and the rest of the OU staff held its annual golf outing with the print, radio and television media, and Stoops was quoted as saying (initially) that he didn't see the big deal in some video being posted online.

My suggestion to my favorite coach is that some Web journos get invited next year. Most of us aren't message board-trolling sports geeks (not that there is anything wrong with that). Most of us aren't tech-heads (not that there is anything wrong with that). Most of us have journalism backgrounds with a deep knowledge of how innocuous blog posts and videos, for example, become monster viral sensations.

Not that there is anything wrong with that. I make no judgment here. It is what it is.

We can help you, and I intend to do that right here.

Heck, I think what I'm about to write could and would help every major college coach in any sport across the country, whether they don the crimson and cream of my beloved Sooners or the burnt orange of the University of Texas. Cornhuskers could pick a little something up from this, as could my friends in Stillwater.

The trick to ensuring that the Internet doesn't claim another is in understanding the medium's power, keeping control of all messages and scouting the terrain for anything that could cause problems.

One only has to look at pop culture to understand the Web's power. From the rise of Tay Zonday to the fall of Michael Richards (Kramer), what's posted to the Web becomes news at a much higher rate than you'd ever guess over a beer at Mr. Bill's.

From a college sports perspective, the Web is used primarily to hype athletes. Videos of Jarboe in action are all over YouTube. Based on what I've seen, he looked like a capable receiver, but I was never expecting the second-coming of Mark Clayton.

Furthermore, not to take away from my brethren in the newspaper, radio or television industries, but more people will read about the Oklahoma Sooners online than on any other medium. Fact. Unfortunately, the Web is also of a "wild west" mentality as it pertains to being able to separate fact from fiction.

Most of everything on the Web is fiction.

Nevertheless, Point 1 is to recognize and respect the power of the Web. At once, it's the best global promoter available for a local entity and its biggest source of migraine headaches.

The next part of this is pretty easy, actually: Controlling the message.

University athletes should not have MySpace or Facebook pages on their own. They should not have Twitter accounts, and they should not be posting videos to YouTube on their own time.

Don't get me wrong. It is against every fiber of my personal and professional existence to fear the Internet. Personally, I make it my policy to avoid things that would cause my employer, my family and my friends embarrassment or headaches.

I don't know that I've always succeeded, but I try.

However, college athletes are targets. And, no, they're not media targets. They're the targets of bloggers, message board posters, YouTube video channel owners, anonymous commenters -- all of it. If something comes up that is deemed to be worthy of public interest, it's possible and likely that a traditional media outlet would report on it.

But being in the spotlight, among the privileged as college athletes are, makes the Web a bumpy terrain. My recommendation is that for four years they forego any Web participation at a first-person level.

On the other hand, anywhere there is a camera is an opportunity to be featured online. Take Vince Young and his buddies at that club a few months ago -- sweaty, drunk and shirtless.

Nothing is wrong with that in and of itself. However, within the context of their responsibilities to a professional football organizations and the communities represented therein, it's a headache.

Advise athletes that whether they're on the court, field or at the store, a camera is likely to be rolling. Behave accordingly.

All of this so far is common sense, right? Well, what if I were to suggest that it would be a good idea for athletic departments to work with their superstars to build MySpace, Facebook and YouTube profiles. These media could not only offer a technology and media lesson for the student, they could also provide a business lesson in marketing and public relations.

For example, the primary problem with having a MySpace page, for the popular athlete, is in having MySpace "friends." What they do or say could get you in just as much trouble as anything you might do. What if Sam Bradford had a MySpace page, even set to private, on which he had accepted a friend who espoused support for some racist organization?

Look. One of the most valuable pieces of wisdom I ever got from my parents was in their practice of paying attention to who my friends were. If I were to spend the night somewhere, they would want to meet that kid. And his parents. And know a little something about them.

The Web is a billion times more vague and sticky in this regard, and I wouldn't blame any athlete for refusing most anybody as his or her MySpace friend. My point however is thus: Don't be afraid of the medium; learn it. Respect it. Manage it.

Point 2: Control the message.

My last suggestion (Point 3) is for athletic department administrators, and it comes courtesy of Comcast. The cable giant has been in the news recently because of its practice of scouring the Web for posts, messages and videos mentioning the company.

They don't do it to be creepy. They do it to manage their brand online and also to help customers who might be having issues with their service. Heck, one national news story I saw noted a twitter message sent out by a cable customer, who noted the problems she was having. Comcast contacted her and helped her.

Brilliant. Briliant. Many times over: Brilliant.

My suggestion is to hire an intern who does nothing but scour the Web for the names of players. Document what you find. Account for rumors. Look for videos. Most of all, be aware of what's out there.

Hey, 99.4 percent of everything found will be innocent enough.

What I'm suggesting is that athletic departments manage for that .6 percent. Unfortunately, my expertise limits me from suggesting what you'd do in any situation where you'd find something untoward. On the other hand, most Web journalists are quite knowledgable in how to find it, if it exists.

All this said, I make no judgment on Jarboe's video or his situation, only to say that in this part of the country, Bob Stoops' record for off-the-field decision making, honestly, is stellar. And, I know he and 75 percent of the rest of coaches and traditional media poo-poo the Web as being not credible and not worth their time.

Heck, 99.4 percent of the time, they're absolutely right!

But, I'm telling you: It's that .6 percent of the time you have to manage.

Don't just ignore it.

You Be The Songwriter!

2008-08-03T04:05:00.000-05:00

Far too late for me to be up, but it's a vacation week -- and it turns into a work week as soon as my Sunday is born.

This week will be filled with lots of writing and playing and recording, and I'm asking you to help. Every songwriter has his or her way of creating, and I typically come up either with a melody first or a title.

For the sake of this post, I'm offering five titles I've considered or am considering and am asking that you pick the one I should write. I'll do that this week.

Here they are, and thank you in advance for your vote:

"Five Senses"

"Heather Casey"

"Nothing Ventured"

"Small Town Hoods"

"Lucky Pierre"

Voting begins NOW!

Saturday Funny: John Pinette

2008-08-02T13:54:00.000-05:00

Start Making Little Kids Watch Baseball

2008-08-02T02:41:00.001-05:00

If there are any parents out there who need non-prescription, non-pill relief for ADD, I have it.

Baseball.

For several days, I've been considering the routines I enjoy and those I don't. For example, I enjoy the coffee and apple fritter from the Circle K down the road even though the fritter isn't good for me and even though the store's manager kind of creeps me out. However, I do it every week day.

Every couple of weeks, Mom and I have dinner. That's regular, and I like that.

However, I don't work enough baseball into the routine. Tonight, on MLB.tv, I watched Texas beat Toronto in walk-off fashion, 9-8. What I realized is how relaxed I was after 3 hours and 16 minutes.

Watching the Sooners for 3 hours and 16 minutes on a football Saturday typically leaves me jittery. College football teams only get 12 games a year, so each one is mammoth. Baseball teams, though, play 162 regular season games each year, and while series wins and consistency are both important, no one game is life or death.

Furthermore, because games last for between 2.5 hours and 3 hours, typically, the baseball watcher might as well get comfortable. Oddly enough, the average baseball game is a good chunk shorter than most any college football game. If the game features two teams with great offenses, such as Oklahoma State and Texas Tech last season, it can last more than four hours.

However, with baseball, I like to get comfortable, get some seeds, get some gum, get a newspaper, break out my foot massager, review some bills and just kick back and watch. The reason it is relaxing, as a sport, to me is not that it is slow. And, I don't really care to get into the argument with baseball haters.

I very much enjoy soccer, too.

Baseball is relaxing first and foremost because it is orderly. It is also steeped in ritual and routine. Unlike many baseball fans, I am not a stats watcher. I won't cite ERAs and batting averages, and I won't debate this, that or the other as to which player is better than another. A player's makeup and a team's chemistry are much more important to me as a fan.

On the other hand, if I merely watched baseball because it was relaxing, I could just take a valium and listen to Yanni. Every once in awhile you get a little drama, but I like that you're not guaranteed it. With Major League Baseball, anybody can beat anybody on any given night, period.

So, it's orderly. It forces me to sit in one place for awhile.

Tell me the Ritalin generation couldn't use some baseball!

Time For Subway 2.0

2008-07-31T23:39:00.001-05:00

Sights and sounds from Norman, Okla., at 10:08 p.m. Thursday:

A gray mustang driving down Lindsey with no headlights on. The lights going off at Chicken Express, just east of 12th Street. A countrified worker at KFC talking down to a man of Hispanic descent in the drive-thru. Me leaving that particular drive-thru because that guy was a prick.

I have got to quit eating out at night. However, there is nothing I am inspired to eat right now. Tonight, I wanted a salad, but Jason's Deli closes at 9. I don't want to buy the ingredients for a salad because it's more cost effective to get the salad at Jason's, and my ingredients would go to waste unless I ate a salad every night for the next week, which I would not do.

I settled on Taco Bell. Not good.

For lunch, I'm typically a Subway guy. However, my Subway in northwest Oklahoma City is the slowest sandwich shop on the planet. They'll have six people manning the line, and it still takes 45 minutes for me to get in and out.

Unfortunately, they're nice, and I like them. Or I've grown to like them. They appear to be moving efficiently as possible, but I would suggest that Subway as a whole is a concept that should be altered a bit.

First, the concept of a "sandwich artist" is a waste of time. Not only is it an extra set of dirty hands touching my food, it's unnecessary labor and a time-suck. I SAY put a vegetable bar in the middle of the restaurant and let folks have at it.

My concept of the way Subway 2.0 would be built is that folks would stand in line for the sole purpose of getting their bread, meat and cheese. The customer would get this and then take it to the dressing station to deal with themselves, and that includes toasting.

Quizno's was brilliant for introducing toasted sandwiches to the American landscape if for no other reason than it threw Subway off its game. Fact is that Subway is still the most healthful fast-food option in existence. However, Quizno's dictated to the market how these subs would be done, and frankly Quizno's has always been better with the toasted sub.

However, as Subway has grown in popularity, its game has thrown itself off. Lunchtime eaters walk into shops with 13 orders apiece because they're picking a 6-incher up for everybody in their office. And, those of us buying one have to wait in line while "sandwich artists" take forever making a sandwich we could dress ourselves.

This isn't even my biggest pet peeve with Subway right now. See, some franchises have spinach, while others don't, a product of the salmonella (or whatever) scare of a couple years ago. However, this was an excuse by some store owners to save a little cash.

Fact is that iceberg lettuce has no more nutritional value than toilet paper. While it does add a welcomed crunch to most any sandwich, it's actually kind of important for Subway's rep that spinach be available everywhere. Personally, I like to deck my sandwiches out with cucumbers, carrots, spinach and banana peppers.

Still, while I can't do a salad every night of the week, I can eat Subway pretty much everyday for lunch. And, I'd like to see the chain thrive and succeed. But it's time for an overhaul, Subway 2.0 if you will

Here's a random video of some guy making a Subway sandwich in 35 seconds. I can guarantee you first-hand that this didn't happen in NW OKC:

Morning Funny: Tobias Funke

2008-07-31T00:20:00.001-05:00

Eggs And Sausages

2008-07-30T22:30:00.004-05:00

In response to my statements in a previous post and otherwise that I sort of felt like a m-o-r-o-n for not having pursued solo live music before the age of 37, I got some curious commisseration. Per an e-mail communication.

She had recently talked with another about our same age and noted that it was only now that she felt comfortable pursuing what she wanted to pursue without caring what other people thought.

Personally, I know that 10 years ago I spent way too much time giving a crap about what other people thought. And, 20 years ago, I was too dumb to have any inclination toward this type of inward contemplation. In fact, if I had any wisdom at all in my late teens, I would have studied history and people a bit harder instead of journalism per se.

If you'll just read good writing and pay attention, college will teach you how to write. You don't need a journalism degree to learn that, not by any stretch. But, you have to know how to write if for no other reason than to be accepted by those of us who do know. We'll talk about you endlessly.

During lunch on Saturday with a friend, he noted the show "Mad Men" on AMC and the general dissatisfied nature of white guys in their 30s. Personally, I can't speak to any collective emotions within other races or ethnicities. I just know that pasty white men taken on a dissatisfied, grumpy vibe by the time 35 comes around.

However, I recall an acquaintence, the wife of another acquaintence, who is a relative of a very good friend, saying that she's enjoying things at 44 more than she ever had before. Way better than 34 and triply more than 24.

It leads me to believe that 35 to 50 are the peak years. Not for the purpose of getting rich or becoming famous or for doing things that make your parents proud. These are the peak years for earning wrinkles, which are kind of like the markers of character and why old people look so interesting.

And to a certain extent this concept has me more mentally rebellious than I might have been at 18, ready to roll with the flow, have more fun and be more creative. The dark side of this from the perspective of potential is in the fact that I had to blow 20 years to get here.

Take Tom Waits. Now, here's a guy who knew what he was from Day 1, yet it wasn't what the pseudo-stars of today would call "branding," even though it technically is. But with Waits, his characters and machinations and styles and sounds are all natural. Enjoy this video from a 1976 episode of the Mike Douglas Show, in which he sings "Eggs and Sausages" before smoking cigarettes and conversing with Mike on stage for about five minutes.